Saturday, April 27, 2013

Coming full circle in Life

Some memories keep popping back into my psyche from years ago. At times I can envision the scenario like it just happened, but mostly these experiences have been tucked away for so long.

While doing some research on Pluto in the first house with Virgo rising specific memories came to the forefront of my mind. Last year on the last day of school my 16 year old son got off school campus. The K-9 unit and helicopters were out searching for him. Suddenly today I recalled that I too had police and dogs searching for me when I was 16 years old back in New Jersey. In fact, it was Easter Sunday and I never made it home from roller skating the night before.

My son is a Cancer sun sign, which is also my moon sign. I've been delving into the Crab to get more insights for this sign, especially since my son is nonverbal. Moody seems to be the keyword.

As a teen growing up I prolonged going home until it was curfew. I avoided the home front because that is where the abuse and negativity took place. My Father never wanted me to forget that I had a disabled sister and we could not go on vacation because of that. Any complaints I had about my life and restrictions were met with comparisons to the life my sister was living.

Now my teen son due to communication and behavior issues hurts me in the process of getting his message out. When therapies take place in the home I get pushed and banged around. When he goes to school I cannot wait to get out of the house and away from this environment. I want to stop the therapy and just have a peaceful existence, but I need to toughen up and get this toilet training taken care of so that he can live in this society as independently as possible as he gets older.

My Mother acted like she was so embarrassed to be seen with any of her children, like we were beneath her. My natal chart shows that there was an important female figure in my life, which I view was my paternal Grandmother. She was the one who encouraged me to make something of my life.

11 comments:

♡♥♬ Louis ♬♥♡ said...

there are some stunning similarities and your and your sons life - I hope you can overcome those obstacles to become a better parent

Judith kavanaugh said...

Fantastic work Bonnie. It sounds like you are really examining spiritual cycles in your life. First with your Self then with your Sister and now your Son. If you did not have moments of frustration with all the challenges God gives you then you would be a Saint. Although some of us still think you are. It is so wonderful when you share because you are real. And whether or not you know it you are teaching other family members how to navigate the waters and challenges of having a disable Child, Sibling or Parent.
They say God does not give you any more than you can handle. Well it is obvious he thinks you kick A** just as I do.

Norma Lee Beaton said...

Wow Bonnie, what a heart felt post I just read. I could feel the pain and all I can do is reach out with love.

I have not had to walk your path in this life and so I do not have a personal understanding of your pain. But apparently it does not stop me from feeling it.

I also am a Cancer Sun with a Virgo Moon so maybe that is the reason for the connection.

I will keep you in my thoughts that you will find peace and the courage to continue on your journey.

Love and Light always,

Norma Lee

Wayne Mansfield said...

I suggest you look passed your stars and just be you

Designieure said...

many thanks for your honest words...I wish you all the strength needed and moments just fr yourself. go on, you rock...thanks again, all my respect...

Stuart Wimbles said...

I have often seen similarities between myself and my kids, although it does not help when my brother says "You used to do this and that" when around them.

I know what you mean when you are glad to have some 'me' time, My son has a brain injury and it has been full-on over the last 6 years. I have also worked with autistic teens which can be very challenging, especially when they self harm.

Keep your chin up :)

Mila Tami Monette said...

Thanks for sharing your challenges and how you conquer them. It is encouraging to learn about it

Wesley Studemire said...

Life as a whole does present us with a lot of difficult paths to travel. But it is after all an experience of learning. You have had a difficult life not to be understated, but life has a plan for you. I think that you are to be the strength that others can follow to become more caring of others and less focused on themselves. I wish you the best in everything that you do, because you deserve it. Best wishes.

edward hulton said...

Truly inspirational..

Warith Niallah said...

Good Post

Валентин Брехер said...

Bonnie, this is very interesting post