Sunday, January 27, 2013

Circumstances change your future plans and dreams

A change is on the horizon for my household, which has me thinking of all the changes that have led me to this point in time. My son will be turning eighteen in less than two months. Besides that major life event he is also going back to public school from doing online school for the last six years. We were concerned with bullying and thought since we did not like the Middle School options that he would try a safe alternative of online schooling. I held him back in first grade since he was doing special ed class in Kindergarten and first grade. When he went into general education I felt it was necessary to start at the first grade level.

We liked the routine and ease of independent learning. Some people confuse this with homeschooling, but that is not the case. This is California Virtual Academy. He has teachers with the parents considered the learning coaches. He wants to experience senior year at a brick and mortar school. The following year he will be entering either an autism vocational school or a community college.

I have gotten used to my son being home and helping out around the house and having lunch and watching the mid day news together. But I am also looking forward to having the house to myself during the days. For the last nine years I have been a home health care worker for my younger son Matthew. Basically I am on the clock when he is home.

I was a member of a special education committee through the school district for many years plus I served on the board as Secretary for two terms. The school district was to facilitate these meetings with the parents running the committee, but too many changes led me astray and uninterested in pursuing something further within the district as a parent facilitator or public speaker at venues.

My passion is for astrology, tarot, numerology and feng shui. I love working out and motivating others to challenge themselves. I am also interested in genealogy, writing and public speaking.

My natal chart always mentions poetry, mysticism, philosophy, writing, public speaking and music. I have high energy and prefer physical movement and action. For the past few years I have contemplated taking a year-long course to become a health coach. I will need to learn how to skype and get over that anxiety. I still think it is worthwhile a pursuit with an emphasis on the autism community as well as adding astrology into the mix as it plays such a key role in my motivation and goals.

I can pinpoint circumstances that changed the direction of my life many times. Back in Middle School I desired to work on Wall Street. I grew up in New Jersey and went for a field trip to the NYSE. I wanted to work on the floor and be a runner. A few years later in High School we took a trip to a Court House. We got to speak with the court reporter, which was another dream of mine. I decided I was not the type of person to sit inside a court room all day typing away.

I was not very interested in cheer leading, but did try out in the 8th grade, although I could never do a back bend. I was full of enthusiasm and energy but could not really control it. Eventually I got a baton and learned how to twirl it. I spent a summer creating routines with the intention of trying out for the high school team. When it came time to toss the baton in the air and turn around for some flip the lights distracted me and I dropped the baton. I did not make the team.

The following summer I taught my best friend how to use the baton and twirl so we could try out together. She made it and I did not, so there went our friendship since I saw her as getting my spot and my dream was shattered. If I had made the team either of those years my high school experience would have been so different.

As a result I ventured into roller skating and spent Friday and Saturday nights at the rink plus Sundays after church. I met my first real boyfriend there. A year later I was working after school and weekends at Dunkin Donuts where I met my next boyfriend.

When I got bad report cards I was hit with frying pans and hair brushes. One night after work I was scared to go home with my report card so stayed out all night with the boyfriend. That led to getting kicked out of home and having sex for the first time which resulted in getting pregnant. The nurse at school officially told me the day of the senior prom. I gave him up for adoption since the boyfriend and his family all pushed for it. I was under the impression that we would be getting married after he finished college and have kids. I lived with a foster family during the pregnancy. We parted ways a few months later.

A few years ago he sent me messages through classmates and facebook. We discussed in detail the experience from high school and the adoption process. It felt good to share my feelings from years earlier.

I wrote an essay online in 2000 on the whole experience and met many in the adoption triad. Last summer the birth son found me through Facebook in part due to that essay he read years earlier. He was given our names when he was eleven years old so he knew a lot about me through my online writings.

In the early 90s I was a recreational drug user and spent one weekend getting high with this guy who had previously been a neighbor. After work I roller skated over to his place to drop off a jar of vitamins as I was trying to help him stop his drug use. Instead of turning the situation around I jumped right into it. We ended up getting married that Sunday afternoon. He found some female minister through the yellow pages that practiced out of Beverly Hills so he rented some car service to drive us over there. It was like a scene out of a movie but I was really in it and not just watching it. I honestly thought after that event we would go back to our regular lives like it was a joke.

Later on that night when I went to leave for my own apartment he tried to strangle me, which resulted in the police coming. Turned out I was the lucky one because that was the same weekend that OJ Simpson murdered his ex wife. I was stuck in this crappy situation. He started showing up at my work so I got laid off and found out I was pregnant. He woke me up one night and slapped me over a phone bill so I went to the police the next day to do a citizens arrest. When we got back he was gone so I moved in with a friend to figure out what to do next.

My brother said come to New Jersey. I had left NJ in 1985 so here I was going back in 1994 to escape a madman with a criminal background. I called his parole officer to tell him I was leaving and make sure he did not allow him out of the State. He did the exact opposite and authorized his entry into New Jersey.

What ensued was a very high stressful pregnancy for me, including smoking and drinking. I lucked out that I got a job right away and met a neighbor that turned out to be a good friend for many years. I had to call the Hospital mental health department the day we left the Hospital because I was scared to leave the Hospital with that Man and did not know what to do.

Now that son is turning eighteen. To be continued .....

19 comments:

MSQRD2 said...

Great Blog Post very educational thank you!

VPerriello said...

Wow Bonnie, that's some story so far... look at you now though, perhaps things still aren't coming easy but from what I can see you're up to the challenge now.

Thank you for sharing, it's so valuable to get perspective on your own challenges from others' journeys.

A Brit in Baja said...

A compelling story, Bonnie. I definitely want to read the next chapter, which leads me to ask if you've thought about writing a novel and/or screenplay based on your experiences?

Aviva Burstein said...

Wow! Your story is so touching. I am looking forward to read more. You are a very special woman and Iam glad I had a chance to know you better.

Kyle David said...

Wow Bonnie - It seems like you have been through a lot -I am interested in hearing part 2 of the story!

Akansha Gautam said...

Thank for the nice article Bonnie. You Rock!

Brandi said...

Bonnie, hang in there with Skype and other forms of technology it can really help you in whatever you pursue. A lot of people have anxiety over it, but it's easy to learn and if you do go on to be a health coach, it will be very useful in developing and growing your coaching practice.

Now that you are going to have more freedom, just start meditating and asking questions. This is a time of discovery for you and the canvas is blank for you to create all that you truly be.

Dale Jackson said...

Great post Bonnie - really is amazing how our experiences shape our lives. I used to want to be an accountant myself but now work as a consultant. we are presented with obstacles and opportunities every day that will lead our lives in a variety of different directions. Your son sounds like an amazing young man - you must be very proud

Denise Jones said...

I really enjoyed reading your story and can't wait to read more!

Wayne Mansfield said...

Chage is the constant... you need to learn, unlearn and relearn through life

catherinewhitephotography said...

Good on you Bonnie. It's good to see you using writing as a tools of personal expression and communication. Keep it up. You don't know where it will lead.

MrEnergyCzar said...

I'm sure he'll be fine going back to school.... best of luck.

MrEnergyCzar

Mark said...

Change is the only universal constant. You can go with it or against it. Here's a great blog post about harnassing the power of change. I bet you will like it. http://aletheus.wordpress.com/2012/10/06/harnessing-the-power-of-change/

RCToyPalace said...

Bonnie, I don't know if this writing came hard for you, or not, but you did a good job. Bring on the 'to be continued' :)

David Forbes said...

Bonnie, thanks for sharing your story. I'm looking forward to learning more about your son and what's next for you. Cheers!

ira dagofeshyn said...

you seem to be a very 'spur of the moment' kind of girl, and i think a very, VERY lucky one at that. i look forward to reading more Jersey girl.
biz opp

112785620808865234484 said...

In our years of working with young people in crisis, I'm struck with the similarity of their stories from early childhood. I am glad that you are till moving forward, and seeking hope and help in spirituality. I pray that you can find the hope and healing that so many have found in Jesus. I will be eagerly waiting to read the next installment on your journey.

agsvs88 said...

looking forward to the rest of this story. thanx

myco said...

The next few months should help you see where all your choices are leading you. I look forward to reading your story.